but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
