The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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