ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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