in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
