And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
