That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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