tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
