you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
