Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
