Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
