And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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