Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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