she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
