so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
