You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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