i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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