she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
