she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
