I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
