what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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