Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
