how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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