I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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