Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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