these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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