Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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