Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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