She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
