The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
