I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
