Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
