My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
