The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
