I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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