my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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