good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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