Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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