Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I will be naked everywhere
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
