I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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