I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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