You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
