Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
