i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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