Are we in a gay sports bar?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
