Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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