I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
