Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
