screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
