we made out on top of his cat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
