we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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