I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
