Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
