I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
