she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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