after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
