Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
