that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
