I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
